Saying Good Bye

Why must we do it? It’s always so hard.

Birthday Breakfast

It was a bit overwhelming to see all the warm wishes from Facebook Friends and blog readers, and to receive calls from family and friends. So much love to share. My brother Guy’s birthday is the day after mine. He’s three years older than me. Except on July 8. Then he’s only two years older. Somehow this makes him feel younger! He called to say I shouldn’t be staying up so late now that I’m old. I need to eat my tapioca pudding and go to bed. I told him not to make me laugh or I’ll have to put on my Depends. Today is his birthday, and once more he’s three years older than me. Happy Birthday, Guy.

A big highlight was a phone call from my two-year old granddaughter Eden. She sang me Happy Birthday. All our grandkids call me Nannie ,or Nonni, or Nani. We can never figure out how to spell it. It was the sweetest little song that made me laugh and warmed my heart. I can’t wait to see her again.

Last night Harrah and her friend John took me out to dinner at Shepherds Pie. It’s the hottest thing to ever happen to the little village of Rockport – at least that’s what Harrah says. The “downtown” seems to consist of three or four quaint old buildings stretched out on half a city block. Funny though… those few buildings are an Opera House, an Art Gallery, and now Shepherds Pie. You must go somewhere else if you want to buy groceries or sundries or go to the bank. But if you want to walk to a great dinner, you’re in business. This little restaurant seems to always be packed. We got there around 8:30 and had to pressure people to leave in order to get three seats at the bar.

I say “we”, but I mean Harrah. She seems to know everyone in this little town, and she somehow managed to get us prized seats right at the corner of the bar.

Me, Harrah, John

John and Harrah had the cheeseburger, ‘cause apparently it’s fantastic. I couldn’t decide, had difficulty reading the menu in the dark, felt a bit of pressure because they had already decided and the bar tender, Dennis, was busy and was taking our order. I almost said “I’ll have what they are having,” just to relieve the pressure. But I just didn’t want a cheeseburger for my fiftieth birthday. So I asked Dennis what he recommended. I ended up with the fried clam tacos. I wish I could explain how delicious these were. I only know that I’m glad I spoke up and didn’t just settle for what everyone else was having. It was amazing. Ding! She made up her own mind, got clear about what she wanted, took a risk, and was deeply satisfied. Ding! Small victories when turning fifty.

Delicious Deserts by Candle Light

For dessert I had a 20-year-old Ferreira tawny port, the smoothest most delicious elixir I can remember tasting, along with a chocolate pots de creme which had little crunchy nibs of raw cocoa beans. Wow. Harrah had strawberries and cream, with a hint of pepper. John had pineapple upside down cake, soaked in some kind of delicious liqueur. Ooooh lah lah! Thank you John and Harrah for a lovely birthday dinner.
Last night Harrah & I stayed up and talked waaayyy too late. Couldn’t help it. We’ve been talking about my old struggle with feeling like I should or could be doing something else, rather than embracing what I am doing now – with gratitude – with purpose – with acceptance. And to stop listening to the should voice, the disappointment about how things turned out. I feel like I have been working on this one my whole life. Probably always will be. It’s tied to deep childhood expectations. Right now I feel like I’m further behind than I’ve ever been, and I’ll never get there. But there is a moment by moment choice. It’s a perspective I choose as quickly as a breath, or a silent prayer. Oh when will I arrive? When will I get this thing figured out? The older I get the less I know. Is this a mid-life crisis?
This morning, I said my goodbyes to Harrah. It was quick. Like pulling off a band aid or killing a chicken. Make it quick to minimize the pain and the drama.
John graciously drove me to Portland to catch the bus to go to the airport to fly to Sandy. Gave me a lovely hour and a half to become acquainted with this interested kind gentleman.
Right now, I’m writing this in transit from Boston via Atlanta to Alexandria to meet Friend Number Three – Sandy… or Sannie as I like to call her. I’d post it, but all the airport’s promises of free wi-fi are reserved only for the special people who know the code, have paid their dues, and look like really important business people. I get into Alexandria, God willing, at 9:00 tonight. Probably will post this sometime tomorrow.


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Jill Hammer on July 10, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    What an awesome birthday! I have enjoyed everything you have sent. You are exactly where you were meant to be at this very moment. Relish in it – enjoy – the future will come – or – it won’t – so don’t waste today.

    Love you my dear sweet Fawn,



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